It’s been four days since my Iboga TA flood dose and I still feel fairly fatigued. Fuck, it pulls the energy out of every cell in the body. I went on a long walk yesterday and felt like I could fall asleep during my walk. My appetite is coming back and I am having my first cup of coffee.
The Iboga TA is very strong. After taking only a 400 mg taster dose in strawberry yoghurt around 11.30 pm on Thursday night, my senses were heightened after 30 minutes and I felt the effects of ataxia and at one point thought I wouldn’t be able to walk, although I managed okay. Soon enough, I was having a conversation with Jay and forgetting what I was saying seconds later. My voice sounded louder. The right words were coming out but I couldn’t concentrate on our conversation. I knew it was time for bed.
Earlier in the day I went for a flotation session and I think the long drive home stressed me out. Anyhow, after walking to my bedroom, nausea hit me hard and I vomited. Iboga is very bitter and it also smells fowl. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat the reminder 2.6 grams in powder form so I encapsulated them.
Eventually, after vomiting a second time, I knew it was time for the final 2.6-gram dose. This was taken an hour and a half past the 400 mg. It’s best to stay in the darkness as the lights hurt the eyes. I saw bright lights around everything. I was hallucinating. I was sick again and felt afraid that I would vomit the Iboga capsules almost immediately, since just imagining how I had managed to eat the powder made me gag. Water tasted disgusting and I washed the capsules down with 500 ml of water, but felt like the capsules were stuck in my throat. I laid down and tried not to move, but with the constant feeling of nausea, it’s difficult to get comfortable. Perhaps I should have done a little more research. I guess after two hours, I vomited the Iboga. Then continued vomiting every 30 to 60 minutes with ongoing nausea. I couldn’t keep down any water but I managed to walk to the toilet twice for a piss.
Eventually around 2.00 am on Saturday morning, the sickness had subsided. I felt incredibly weak and fatigued, but so grateful that I may now be able to absorb some liquid. Bottled water made me gag, it’s best to mix with some cordial.
My mind felt calm and I certainly felt no urge to cave at my skin. Saturday morning, I woke up early and there was no dizziness as I walked. I can’t say I experienced many hallucinations except viewing swirling energy around everything, but at one point I did notice a blanket of another person covering me with her head over my shoulder. She was clutching me hard like she couldn’t escape. Every time I vomited, it was followed with intense coughing. At times, I had to purge just to experience ten minutes of relief.
Saturday morning I ate one and a half cracker and drank some more water. During the end of the day, I felt a little sickness but nothing came up. There is absolutely no hunger during the Iboga experience, but I started to wonder if I would ever manage to keep down water since I went almost two days without water during the experience.
On Saturday, my hand did creep to some old scabs on my body, but I quickly realised that this would take more willpower than I thought. I still haven’t succumbed to the temptation, although it is there, although not as strongly. Maybe Iboga has done more work than I thought it would, or perhaps I didn’t give it time to absorb into my system, but there’s no way to stop the sickness once it starts. Next time, if I do take it again, I will definitely buy some ginger beer and take an anti-nausea tablet.
I’ve not got the concentration I wanted, and the sadness is still deep within me, but the thoughts of death have disappeared and now I have the choice of whether to let anxiety beat me. It is a powerful medicine and it does release a lot of toxins.