I became aware of ibogaine through an interview I happened to come across in a little known magazine. I immediately understood that this was something I must pursue. For years I have been fascinated and moved to understand and experience psychoactive substances. Long before I heard of ibogaine I firmly believed there are natural substances that can help correct obsessive or violent behavior if used with sacred, respectful intentions along with other therapeutic help. Psychoactive substances such as psilocybin mushrooms continue to confirm to me the existence of other-dimensional intelligences. Just how close we truly are and how much help is available from the other side for our dimension is based on our courage, our open minds and hearts and our invitation to see all of reality.
I also personally know the destructive abilities of drugs when obsessively used because of addictive cravings through some spiritual breakdown within one’s self. I have had the ‘monkey on my back’ for a very long time with my choice of drug being methamphetamine.
During the previous twenty years, I have been free of its use the majority of the time. When it has become readily available I have tended to indulge while always keeping a semblance of normalcy since I am normally wired. For the last year and a half, my drug of choice has been very available and my life has been very hectic and intense. At first, I used speed as a “tool”, at least that’s what my head said, but it quickly became something very difficult to put down. The idea of crashing worried me enough that I avoided it by staying wired. I fooled most people but not myself, and especially not my body which began to rebel around the age of forty. Needless to say, ibogaine seemed a very attractive opportunity. A year before, I experimented with Prozac for three months with minor results. Whatever was going on it did not seem to include a serotonin imbalance.
My spiritual path has always moved forward while I dropped baggage, but this time my pockets were full of residual crap I was holding on to and it was killing me. I figured God was forcing me to deal with it. I could no longer run or hide. My drug of choice was now free, close to home, and very strong. I could just say,” No”, but something else was moving this along and ibogaine was discovered. Being so busy, I had no idea how I could connect with people who could help me, but all it took was a letter and then a phone call.
As I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes, I could feel and hear a buzzing. This noise and vibration stayed with me for most of my powerful experience with ibogaine. I had previously fasted for many hours before I consumed the two white capsules and for a fleeting instant, I sensed I might actually take a little nap. That little sleep would not occur for quite some time though my eyes remained closed and my body became very, very peaceful. On the other hand, my mind was racing at an incredible intensity along with heightened noise awareness not of the world I recognized and a physical vibration that soon had me apart from my physical body, at least in my immediate consciousness. Colors began to flow like churning water before me. There were no geometric designs I have encountered with psilocybin mushrooms, just colors fluid in motion. Soon I saw little figures running around the periphery of my vision and then a window opened with a distinct lavender background and then the eyes appeared. I was not afraid. This had nothing to do with any bravery on my part but it had everything to do with this astonishing, benign, loving presence that seemed to have itself wrapped around me. I felt safe no matter what was going on in the back of my eyelids. I recall being very impressed and grateful for this presentation with me and how overwhelming the overall experience was as I lay on my bed.
I was bombarded by still shots and a picture of my life. There was not one image I could stay with and yet I knew all I needed to do was hang on for the whole show.
Images of my mother, early friends, trees, my daughter about ten years older than the present, more eyes and sometimes ghoulish looking images that looked right through me made themselves apparent. Once again the thought that I was so relaxed and not afraid crossed my consciousness as the “This is your life” show flashed before me.
While this show was in force I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. I opened my eyes for the first time and I immediately saw “spirits” circling around me. This is the term I was later told I used. As I reflect back I do believe they were beings. I can only describe them as having the look of saran wrap ruffling in the wind with light-reflecting through them as they constantly circled me. These images lasted for hours whenever I opened my eyes. Somehow I made it to the bathroom while holding myself up with the wall as I staggered around. The ten feet I moved was enough to trigger dry heaves and heavy sweat. Once I laid back down and closed my eyes the experience began again with just a little less intensity.
I could not believe the otherworldly noises everywhere. I can only describe it as loud metallic ants jabbering away. These bizarre sounds would intensify if there were any movements, especially running water.
Further, into the session, I could sense my body which was sweating a great deal and vibrating hard while my heart rate was close to non-existent. If my body was in this condition at any other time, especially while on a drug, I would have logically become extremely concerned, but not this time. I could check my body out while still receiving vivid visual images at a quick pace and not be afraid or even worried.
For me this was a direct experience with, for lack of a better term, the goddess, and believe me I was in good hands. I just knew I was going through a transformation, and I was genuinely pleased and very humble at the opportunity to have such an experience while in the body.
The ibogaine experience went through different stages that eventually took me to a place where I was very hungry and then very sleepy. So I ate and I slept. It has been two full weeks since I ingested ibogaine. I have had no craving for speed, though it is still accessible. I have had counseling and plan to continue with counseling sessions.
It’s wonderful to feel free of the “monkey on my back” but I know it will take work on my part to make it a success. I am thankful, happy, and my energy level is strong. While ingesting that very destructive chemical up my nose I had forgotten how strong my energy is. Isn’t it strange what we humans will do, but even stranger is what is all around us, all the time?
I have been held by the goddess and turning back is not an option. I pray this African medicine gets out to the general population where major changes will occur. Doesn’t the timing seem right?